gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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