Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
