the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
