worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
