All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
