She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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