my room smells like sperm. sweet.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
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You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
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I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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