Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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