Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize