my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i drank out of a bidet.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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