my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours