I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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