I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
