dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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