I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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