me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
