we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
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Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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