Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
