We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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