honey bunches of taint.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
