I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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