My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
