no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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