I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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