I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
