My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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