my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
