Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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