Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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