I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
