so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
