Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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