she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize