Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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