she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
