WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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