I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
