it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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