running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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