There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
