I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize