Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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