And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
