If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
