Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
organizing the empties. That sober.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
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We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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