It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
