ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
