If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
