Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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