This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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