I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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