I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
