She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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