I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
