when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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