im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
