is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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