i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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