Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
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I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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