I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love you. Go after that dick
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
