my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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