i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
only if we run a train.
done.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
